This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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