Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
