so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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