Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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