if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
