The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
