the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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