Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize