Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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