haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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