Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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