I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
