I wanna passion pit in your ass
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
