If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
