Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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