I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
