Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
