That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
