it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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