I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
