I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
a search helicopter?!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
