Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
