I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize