yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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