So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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