I am spending my child support on dildos
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
