a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
