K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
