Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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