Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
