puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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