32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
