I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
