what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
