her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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