He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
