i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
