I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
