I could make wine with my vomit
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Boobs are out for the taking
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
