Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
