sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
