So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
