so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
