He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
