I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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