Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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