apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
