the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I got inside last night via doggy door
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
