Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
