Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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