Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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