Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
