I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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