hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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