it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i drank out of a bidet.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
