i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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