Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
