Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
