I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I could make wine with my vomit
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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