My underwear smells like fireworks.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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