i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
