11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
