I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
