you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
