Soap is not a condiment
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
