two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i think i just lost a toe
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
