Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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