the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
