why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
